"A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer, somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful." (Everwood, Episode 218 - "Last Looks")

I don’t even know where to start… I guess I just wanted to say that this is one of the days when I’d just love to be back in Riga. Yesterday was Mārtiņdiena – end of autumn and begninning of winter. Today thousands of people in Riga went to the embankment and to the Freedom monument to light some candles. And next Saturday around this time they will flock to the Akmens tilts and Vanšu tilts and the embankment again to hope for good weather for the fireworks. All of this used to be part of my autumn. Just like the golden leaves and the colourful chrysanthemums. I have always been a winter person. So who would have thought I’d miss autumn this much?...

Turns out there is a September 1st also in Brussels - kids return to school. But all of them have forgotten one thing - FLOWERS!!! That is one of the great things when you live in Latvia - on September 1st the streets are filled with kids carrying all kinds of autumn flowers… A sigh…
But here in Brussels this turn of the calendar page seems to have awoke the city to life again. My walk to work no longer is solitary. From today there once again are kids with huge backpacks, people in bright vests stopping the traffic at pedestrian crossings and loads of cars to stop. Now once again Brussels feels almost like a city… ;-))

I have always loved the tiny romantic gestures that you sometimes can get from the opposite sex. Like I remember some 6 years ago I was taking the usual tram ride home. There was a bus that kept overtaking the tram and in that bus there was a guy looking at me. I guess I had caught his eye as after the second time he saw me he started smiling and waving. It lasted maybe for a minute or two. My tram went straight but his bus had to take a right turn. Before I saw him disappear I noticed that he had breathed on the cold glass of the bus window and drawn a heart…
Or when you sit in a plane and wait for it to leave the gate and you see that the guy standing outside and telling the plane where to turn is quite cute. And you lock eyes for a second. And you keep looking at him while he works. Then right before he turns to leave you give him a little wave… And he gives you a shy smile and waves back!
Or like when for a while you take the same road at the same time you start noticing people. And you meet them once, twice, from time to time. And then he’d smile or wink. But then there are the summer holidays. But today I saw the guy again. And he saw me and smiled – I was recognized… No mater how boiled my brain felt after I left the office, this one smile took that all away…
So who said that we only need grand gestures? I’m quite happy with these small ones. From time to time…

I was waiting for the trusty tram No 2 shortly before 7 last Wednesday morning. The tram was late. The smell of sewage filled the street. And on the opposite side of the street 2 men met on a dilapidated bench where they shared their morning vodka... That's when I knew I was back home...

Recently a friend asked to see my pictures and I naturally gave him this address. His response was that while my travels were interesting, he really wanted to see me. So how come there are so few pictures with me on them? I had had this discussion with Arta a lot of times but now I finally put my thoughts "on paper". So I thought why not share it with you too?... ;-))
There are several reasons why I am on so few pictures.
1) I don't consider myself to be such an important person to have many pictures taken of me. The ones where I am alone and it is not in any other big context I put in a separate album at the very end of all albums on my page.
2) What I see on the pictures doesn't correspond to the image of me I have in my mind. So unless I really have to I prefer not to be on the picture.
3) A lot of times I travel alone and I am most definitely not asking strangers to take a picture of me. Unless it is something I really really wanted...
4) I like taking pictures. I trust myself more than others with my camera. So if I have to choose between a shitty picture with me on it or a good one without me, I most definitely would choose the latter. Hmmm... Anything else?...
Then I have my issues with taking pictures in general. I have grown up with my mom always complaining that I have so many pictures, and that was already waaaaaaaay before digital camera. So up to this day from time to time I feel guilty about the number of pictures I do have. I have a sort of love/hate relationship with my camera. There are times when I see the world around me in photos but I have left my camera at home and these moments remain uncaptured. There are times when I am more than happy to use my camera as a legitimate excuse not to take part in some activity. That's why there are lots of pictures of other people doing something. But then again there are times when I am tired of picture taking/filming and I just want to get rid of the camera and not focus...
And finally there is the issue of taking pictures of sights. Me and this. Me and that. I think a lot of those pictures just look silly because I don't know where to put my hands or how to stand. Then I take a picture of the thing alone. But then again... why should I do that if it has been photographed a million times before me. Besides, I can just buy a post-card, which usually will be a lot better quality than the picture I'd make...
Notwithstanding everything that has been said the current number of the pictures in my gallery is 4315 and I continue my inner battle…

We indeed did go to the Midsummer's eve festivities, before having made 4 flower wreaths from the roses my mom sent accompanied with other flowers we picked on our way home from work. We did get to eat some Latvian cheese and sausages (unfortunately - cold) and there was Latvian beer (though we chose to stick with Belgian water). And there of course was Skroderdienas Silmačos. I must say it was highly interesting seeing colleagues in a slightly different situation than usually at work. I had forgotten that the play was full of singing, So hats off to the actors - they managed both the acting AND the singing quite convincingly! Of course where there are Latvians there was also singing. I guess for me that was the best part of the event - standing around a (improvised) bonfire and singing with others for hours. Though I must say that after an hour or so my voice gave out and I could only sing and almost not talk - my voice has become rusty from lack of singing… :-((
All in all it was a good event - so a big thanks to the organizers. A lot better than sitting in a pub with Belgian beer. But… I guess it was as good as you can do thousands of kilometres (2222 to be exact) away from home. But it is nothing like celebrating at home with your family…

P.S. What I actually wanted to say was… New pictures!!! We were so delighted by the lovely flower wreaths [that - may I humbly point out - I made… ;-)))] that we took lots of pictures!

That's what you get when you live somewhere else - you live by someone else's rules. And here in Brussels no-one really cares that in Latvian calendars today is marked red - a holiday. But there is one place in the virtual world where it is very visible - www.draugiem.lv. It is awfully quiet there today. No friends online. No new galleries. I guess people in Latvia are off in the fields picking flowers and looking for oak branches to make wreaths for tonight. Baking speķarauši (for the lack of a better word - bacon pie). Swarming the shops to find their favourite beer to put into a bucket of cold water. Or sampling the numerous variations of cheese with caraway-seeds. Perhaps someone is refreshing some folk songs to sing at the fire tonight. Or still another decorating the house (perhaps also the car) with birches and oak-tree and rowan-tree branches...
But I am sitting in front of my pc and trying to concentrate on research, technological development and demonstration activities… Oh well… But at least I know what awaits me tonight - proper Midsummer's eve celebration with Skroderdienas Silmačos, Latvian beer and cheese and zaļumballe (open-air dance). Somewhere bewteen work and the celebrations we also have to make 4 flower wreaths - for Arta, Egita, Ilva and myself. Ilva came this morning and brought jāņuzāles (all kinds of wild flowers plucked on Midsummer's eve) and the roses my mother sent. It looks like this might be a fun evening… And I am sure there will be plenty of pictures!;-)))

Seems like I have caught a little window between document to be able to tell you about the best 2 hours and 45 minutes of my life.
If you have taken a peak at my wishlist in Amazon.co.uk, then you might have noticed that I am not only (slightly) nuts about films but also about music. I have been that way for as long as I can remember myself. But I already wrote about that… So then after the hardest week we've had here it was time to get some rewards and head to London to see Bon Jovi. I had bought almost all of their cd's (the ones I still didn't have or had on tape), found the set list for the Have a nice day tour and was trying to be properly prepared for singing along. The more I listened the more excited I got (even though I knew they would not play any songs from my 2 favourite albums - These days and (Jon's solo album) Destination anywhere). At times I just felt like jumping up and down screaming. Because for the longest time I couldn't have imagined that I will ever see them live. And it's been a long time - I first remember them from Keep the faith album in 1991... After my preparatory work I was ready more than ever!
In all the excitement about the concert London also seemed very inviting and Arta and I decided to return once again in mid August and stay with Ilona for almost a week. Also the strangest thing happened - I had HUGE problems speaking… English!! It was so odd - I stood in front of the shop assistant and just couldn't figure anything to say. And when I bumped into people I said Pardon instead of Sorry. Almost feels like I already have lived in Brussels for too long. It made me want to find a job in an English speaking country to perform a rescue mission for my English…
I was hoping to get 2 flies with one shot - Bon Jovi in Wembley stadium but instead I got Bon Jovi in National Bowl Milton Keynes. But you'll hear no complaints about that. As long as it's Bon Jovi I don't care where they're playing... ;-))) This of course was the biggest concert I have ever been to - 70 000 spectators. The first lovely surprise was that Nickelback was one of the warm-up bands. Though I must admit I only know This is how you remind me. But they were actually very good. And their frontman sure knows how to handle his crowd. It was great watching some people be sooo happy about seeing Nickelback. There was a guy standing behind me who actually checked to see his goose bumps! (He later turned out to be a huge Bon Jovi fan too and I heard him singing along for the most part of the concert) I just could hope that Bon Jovi would be at least just as good - but I was assured that they will be even better. And there was no doubt about that!! It was the beast concert I've ever seen!! Staring from the band itself and their singing to the sound quality and light show. Perhaps I have been to some shabby concerts but I don't take for granted the possibility to understand the actual words that are sung...
In the beginning I had to try to cry with open eyes not to miss anything. By the end of the concert my cheeks were hurting from the constant smiling. I knew it would feel good but I had no idea just how good. A big part of these feeling came with the memories connected to certain songs. After all it was my brother who introduced me to them. So for most of the concert I wished he was there with me. I am quite sure he would've enjoyed himself. A sigh… It is so hard to put all of these emotions in words. But I think you just might have gotten my point… ;-))

P.S. Besides not getting the tickets for the golden circle there is one more thing that makes me a bit sad. I am not used to being able to take cameras with you to a concert. But obviously many people knew it was allowed as there were plenty of picture taking. Next time I will try to bring my camera too. Though I really don't want it to be confiscated at the entrance in case it is not allowed in after all...

One of the things I hoped to find out while living here in Brussels was to know if and when I would become homesick. I successfully visited my family for a weekend in March. Had my mom over for my birthday. Yes, both were nice but neither of those made me homesick. It turned out that all it took was a couple of days in Berlin with Susanne. The lillacs were in full bloom and the smell reminded me of my parents house. We went to the botanical gardens where the greenhouses smelled just like the ones my mom works in and irises bloomed just like in front of my parents' house. And there were the most perfect meadows for making Midsummer's eve daisy wreaths… I guess what made it all the more sad was the awareness that it will never be the same because I just don't live there any more. From now on I will always be only a guest there…

"I have a good job, great friends and a loving family. Infinite freedom and endless bubble baths. Is there anything more to want?..."

You know how always this phrase is used to tell us that there still is so much for us to do and see. And mostly this is considered to be a positive thing. But some people have looked beyond the general positivism of the idea of being young and have put it into words. The best example I know for this is written by a Latvian writer Māra Zālīte and it has been turned into a touching song by the band Lādezers.

Tu esi vēl jauns tev viss vēl priekšā,
vēl tava māte mirs un dzisīs tev uz rokām.
Ar sāpēm sapazīsies, satiksies ar mokām.
Vēl tevi draugi nodos, mīlestība smies.
Vēl jēgu meklēsi, un rūgti pievilsies.
Tu esi vēl jauns, tev viss vēl priekšā.
Vēl šausmās skatīsies uz grumbām un uz krokām,
kas seju krokos tik pēc sava prāta.
Kaut paēdis, tu allaž alksi sāta.
Tu esi vēl jauns, tev viss vēl priekšā.
Par visu maksāsi, ko dzīries ņemt par velti,
un nāves bailēs tu glābsi sevi.

The rough translation into English would be:

You're still young, everything's still ahead of you
Your mother will die and breathe her last breath in your arms
You'll get to know pain, you'll meet torment
You're friends will betray you, love will laugh at you
You'll look for the meaning and will be bitterly disappointed
You're still young, everything's still ahead of you
You'll look in horror at wrinkles and creases
That will wrinkle your face to their liking
Though you'll have eaten enough, you'll always crave for satiety
You're still young, everything's still ahead of you
You'll pay for everything you thought you'd take for free
And in fear of death you'll save yourself

Endless possibilities - go figure what life holds for you…

Last Wednesday somewhere there was a young teenage girl jumping of joy. Or was it me?...
Ever since I remember myself I have been listening to music. Singing along. Trying to write down the lyrics. Noting down the first 3 songs of MTV's European Top 20 (don't ask me why…). By the end of high-school the walls of my room were almost completely covered in posters of singers and bands I liked. (Unfortunately there are no photos to show the beauty...) Since I was around 9 I started watching German TV. Then in the beginning of the 90's the show Bravo TV came out. They showed many features about fans meeting the stars they liked. And I always felt a bit envious because I knew that nothing like that is ever going to happen to me. Because there is just no way that, let's say, Take that or Caught in the Act would ever come to Riga. So I settled for watching others live my dreams. And go to the concerts of the musicians that did come to Riga - East 17, Smokey, Bryan Adams, Depeche Mode…
But then I moved to Brussels - the heart of Europe. And it turns out it's a better location concert-wise than Riga. So last week I saw somebody in concert that I most definitely never thought I would see - Ricky Martin. All I needed to do was to buy my ticket online, later it was mailed to me and then I just took the bus around the corner from our house and half an hour later I already was in the arena. As simple as that. And yes, he was totally worth the 45 euros. Of course, the concert wasn't perfect. I thought the music was a bit too loud for such a small room. And I wish I had seen him closer. (It just hadn't occurred to us that there would be seats for a Ricky Martin concert (not that anybody remained seated), so my plan of sneaking close to the stage barrier could not be carried out…) But besides that it was really great. His music itself is already great - you just can't help but move when you hear it. And then there was Ricky. Boy, does he know how to move… And if all of this isn't enough for a great concert experience there were 2 more added bonuses for me: 1) many of his moves I had watched on the TV for years and it was great to see him actually do them live, and 2) as I am in my "Spanish phase" I was very touched that he was the first Spanish guy to sing "for me" live… I was close to tears, I tell ya… ;-)))
My next plan for realising my dreams is a Bon Jovi concert in London. I have already paid for the concert ticket and have received the train ticket. I hope it will all work out. And then in July it will be time for Bryan Adams, Simply Red and Sting. Can't wait!!!! Perhaps if it is going so well with realising my dreams I should keep on hoping for the lunch with Pete Sampras?... :-D

Another month has passed with me walking around with the endless thought that I really should write something. Something about how I celebrated the New Year's. Something about the move. Something about my life here. But I'll see what I can do about it now…

New Year in Milan
Surprisingly enough I am very thankful to Kristīne for inviting me with her. Right after Christmas we went to Milan to join into something called Pilgrimage of Trust on Earth. This event is organized by the Taizé community. Kristīne had been to such an event in the previous year when it took place in Lisbon. But this turned out to be somewhat different, mostly due the very different weather conditions. If in Lisbon it was quite warm and people tended to spend their evenings out in the streets singing and playing guitars together, then here it was quite impossible because together with most of the participants arrived winter with snow… But nevertheless once we got talking to people these discussions at some point or another turned a bit more heated. Religion is a tough topic to talk about. Especially if you have been brought up to regard religion as one of the taboo topics for conversations with strangers. But here everybody was speaking their mind exactly about that. It would've been all nice and quiet if all of the people involved were Catholics. But there were Kristīne and myself. And it seems that we managed to stir up some controversial discussions in our discussion groups. You know me - at times I am rather direct in my way of speaking. Especially if that's how I can get people to talk. So I talked. And annoyed a Croatian guy named Hrvoje (he was our group's leader). Then his friend - another Hrvoje - offered his opinion and it turned out to be rather similar to mine. ;-)) So we ended up having quite an agitated discussion. But of course afterwards we agreed to disagree and thanked each other for the discussion. Even though at times I wanted to leave the room because I could not accept what was said, I still am glad I was a part of it because it reminded me what it was that I believed in.
Unfortunately there didn't arrive an opportunity to get into 'deeper waters' with the two Hrvojes. But another opportunity came and his name was Alfredo. For some reason he was willing to let Kristīne and me dissect his mind. I started my interrogation already at lunch and we ended up having dinner together all three of us discussing many aspects of a Catholic life. Especially how the values Kristīne and I had clashed or coincided with Alfredo's values. At times I had a feeling that we might have gotten ourselves into something that we can't really handle. But we still managed to leave the restaurant as friends. Perhaps now with a better understanding of each other…
So all in all it was most definitely a very valuable event to have attended. And besides everything what I have already said, I also was very glad to have seen Kristīne doing something that she enjoys. It was a nice gift from her to me right before we had to say god-bye for at least a year…
A short account of life in Brussels so far will follow. Hopefully rather shortly… ;-))